And-okay, yes, one more, but this is really it, buddy, I’m so tired-what? What do you mean I kissed you the wrong way? How is that even poss-you know what? Fine. Yes, of course, I’ll give you one more goodnight kiss. We’ve reached the point in the evening where he’s not even coherent and is mostly just stringing repetitive words together, but the less he makes sense, the more he makes sense, you know?ġ0 This is “Heaven,” which is also a good word for the moment when I finally get to rise-quietly, dear God, please don’t wake up-SHIT. I give “Psycho Killer” credit for the BEST DAMN IDEA I’VE HEARD ALL DAY. And the 2nd single, Road to Nowhere which is the perfect song to end the. And it’s very far away and it’s growing day by day and, baby, it’s all right-David Byrne, it’s absolutely NOT all right, could you throw me a bone, here? What the hell am I going to do? How can a kid be both a night owl AND a lark? Help me out.ĩ Yes. Check out Little Creatures (Deluxe Version) by Talking Heads on Amazon Music. Just take over for a few minutes so I can pee. I will probably head back downstairs to gobble them down sometime after midnight, when/if my kid finally falls asleep.Ĩ We’re on a “Road to Nowhere.” Come on inside. Right?ħ This is “(Nothing but) Flowers” again, but we also skipped dessert tonight in a vain attempt to see whether cutting post-dinner sugar would make bedtime any less interminable, and you see how that’s working out. The good news is that, if I follow instructions to retrieve the water at the bottom of the ocean, I can put out the bed and all these lava hot spots and finally get this kid to sleep. I don’t care.Ħ We’re back to “Once in a Lifetime,” but who are we kidding? This happens every night. Does this mean that I also die, or that I am somehow converted into steaming clouds of parental frustration and fatigue? I don’t know. It’s my job to pretend to be made of ice so that I melt into water, which he can use to combat the conflagration. At this point, the floor of his room is made of lava and all the furniture is on fire. Our house is a source of constant disappointment to him due to its lack of a waterslide, personal ice cream parlor, and reptile research lab.ģ “(Nothing but) Flowers,” but I should mention that my kid sleeps with a six-foot stuffed snake that is his best friend, favorite story prop, and imaginary food source, so this one’s my kid too.Ĥ Okay, this one’s only my kid, but I made you wonder, right?ĥ “Psycho Killer.” But, yeah, also my kid. I get to be the millionaire’s long-suffering servant.)Ģ “Once in a Lifetime.” But also? My kid. But also, my kid, who believes that ordering adults to engage in increasingly elaborate roleplay will somehow delay bedtime.